Five Bizarre Secrets About Karl Marx

24 03 2012

Karl - The Most Famous Marx Brother

Capitalism for Dummies

Bizarre Marx secret No’1 Karl Marx was the president of the Beatles fan-club and YET he died in 1883. There is only one explanation for this: Time travel. Marx reckoned capitalism was fatally flawed. He predicted that due to the exploitation of the workers by the Capitalist class – i.e.those who own all the factories and machines – A.K.A. the means of production . . .that the workers would rise up and have a revolution, AKA the Revolution of The Proletariat. Guy was waaaay ahead of his time. It would be like standing up today and claiming there is a FREE energy device that you could practically make in your back yard or basement, that would by-pass the need for burning fossil fuels etc. Most people wouldn’t believe you. And then if you confidently predicted that people and companies who had bought up the patents and suppressed the technology for such free energy devices would be tried and found guilty of crimes against humanity . . .in the not too distant future . . .that would be time travel. So hey?! . . .trust the Quantum Flux Marx was a big Beatles fan. It was Capitalism for Dummies

Bizarre Marx secret No’2: Marx liked dressing up in Women’s clothing. He would play dress-ups and had a hit drag act in Paris in 1842. But what he was REALLY doing was promoting a Revolution of The Proletariat.  According to the Marxist theory such a revolution would take back the capital used to make stuff and put it in the hands the workers. This Marx said would be a Socialist Society. Marx said the eternal social conflict is a class war. This was on the evolutionary road to a classless society of peace love and mung beans which Marx described as Communism. What he didn’t realize was that the real class war would be between young working class boys & girls queueing up outside clubs and door bouncers from the Pacific Islands whose homes were about to be flooded by global warming due to the burning of fossil fuels. This highlighted the need for a science of complexity. In the future it would all be so clear. it’s Capitalism for Dummies

Bizarre Marx secret No’3: Marx was a deeply spiritual man.  But he pretended to be an Athiest. While promoting free love, free muesli and free money Marx had secretly founded the Pyramid Church for Rock & Roll and Jimi Hendrix incorporating video games the alphabet and whales. But what he said was Religion is poison. This is because he could see that as a socially constructed project religion was working hand in glove with the capitalists to keep the worker bees in a straight line. That worked well. Actually he used to have secret drinks with Jesus and the Buddha every Friday night. He would attend these drinks nights in full drag. Apart from being a pointy hatted wizard he was as gay as a maypole. Clearly it is Capitalism for Dummies

Bizarre Marx secret No’4: Marx was actually a visitor from another galaxy. He was a spaceman. He was also Jewish. Does this mean there are Jewish people on other planets? We’re not getting into the whole Zionist thing here. People get very offended about all this stuff. No one is quite sure how this works in fact. But . . .yep he was a little green man alright. Space people know all about Capitalism for Dummies

Bizarre Mark Secret No’5: Marx said that having ideas was useless and what mattered was action. This statement spurred on Lennin in Russia (October Revolution 1917) and Mao Tse Tung in China to form the pure classless Communist utopia by 1949. Interestingly. The only problem with this ideas are useless riff is that all he ever did was write books, articles and movie scripts for Hollywood. The actual truth is there is nothing as powerful as a Lime Flavoured Revolution whose time has come. The idea comes FIRST. Then people actually start doing stuff. Idea FIRST. Action SECOND. Idea FIRST. Action SECOND. Idea FIRST Action SECOND. Comprendez? Yes it’s Capitalism for Dummies

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