Five Bizarre Secrets About Karl Marx

24 03 2012

Karl - The Most Famous Marx Brother

Capitalism for Dummies

Bizarre Marx secret No’1 Karl Marx was the president of the Beatles fan-club and YET he died in 1883. There is only one explanation for this: Time travel. Marx reckoned capitalism was fatally flawed. He predicted that due to the exploitation of the workers by the Capitalist class – i.e.those who own all the factories and machines – A.K.A. the means of production . . .that the workers would rise up and have a revolution, AKA the Revolution of The Proletariat. Guy was waaaay ahead of his time. It would be like standing up today and claiming there is a FREE energy device that you could practically make in your back yard or basement, that would by-pass the need for burning fossil fuels etc. Most people wouldn’t believe you. And then if you confidently predicted that people and companies who had bought up the patents and suppressed the technology for such free energy devices would be tried and found guilty of crimes against humanity . . .in the not too distant future . . .that would be time travel. So hey?! . . .trust the Quantum Flux Marx was a big Beatles fan. It was Capitalism for Dummies

Bizarre Marx secret No’2: Marx liked dressing up in Women’s clothing. He would play dress-ups and had a hit drag act in Paris in 1842. But what he was REALLY doing was promoting a Revolution of The Proletariat.  According to the Marxist theory such a revolution would take back the capital used to make stuff and put it in the hands the workers. This Marx said would be a Socialist Society. Marx said the eternal social conflict is a class war. This was on the evolutionary road to a classless society of peace love and mung beans which Marx described as Communism. What he didn’t realize was that the real class war would be between young working class boys & girls queueing up outside clubs and door bouncers from the Pacific Islands whose homes were about to be flooded by global warming due to the burning of fossil fuels. This highlighted the need for a science of complexity. In the future it would all be so clear. it’s Capitalism for Dummies

Bizarre Marx secret No’3: Marx was a deeply spiritual man.  But he pretended to be an Athiest. While promoting free love, free muesli and free money Marx had secretly founded the Pyramid Church for Rock & Roll and Jimi Hendrix incorporating video games the alphabet and whales. But what he said was Religion is poison. This is because he could see that as a socially constructed project religion was working hand in glove with the capitalists to keep the worker bees in a straight line. That worked well. Actually he used to have secret drinks with Jesus and the Buddha every Friday night. He would attend these drinks nights in full drag. Apart from being a pointy hatted wizard he was as gay as a maypole. Clearly it is Capitalism for Dummies

Bizarre Marx secret No’4: Marx was actually a visitor from another galaxy. He was a spaceman. He was also Jewish. Does this mean there are Jewish people on other planets? We’re not getting into the whole Zionist thing here. People get very offended about all this stuff. No one is quite sure how this works in fact. But . . .yep he was a little green man alright. Space people know all about Capitalism for Dummies

Bizarre Mark Secret No’5: Marx said that having ideas was useless and what mattered was action. This statement spurred on Lennin in Russia (October Revolution 1917) and Mao Tse Tung in China to form the pure classless Communist utopia by 1949. Interestingly. The only problem with this ideas are useless riff is that all he ever did was write books, articles and movie scripts for Hollywood. The actual truth is there is nothing as powerful as a Lime Flavoured Revolution whose time has come. The idea comes FIRST. Then people actually start doing stuff. Idea FIRST. Action SECOND. Idea FIRST. Action SECOND. Idea FIRST Action SECOND. Comprendez? Yes it’s Capitalism for Dummies

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Comrade Lenin Licked a Lime Splice

22 03 2012

Lenin on his way to the shops for a Lime Splice

I Scream You Scream We Scream for Ice Cream

It is a well known fact among historians that Comrade Lenin liked to lick the Lime Splice. But they forgot to mention it. What historians always seem to carp on about were his political carryings on. Oh Hello! Just give us the facts. Here’s a guy who was a hard core ice cream eatin’ fool. And of course his absolute all time fave the Lime Splice. Let’s just say that Lenin was a big ice cream eater.

Full name: Vladimir Ilyich Lenin – spearheaded the October Revolution in Russia in 1917 as leader of the Bolsheviks. And it was all about ice cream for eveyone. Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different. Lenin was reputed to be a good talker when he wasn’t shovelling it down. You don’t see it in most pictures but he was quite rotund. Whilst not much of a head for politics, he was smart enough to bring in experts from the good old USA and Germany to do most of his thinking for him. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do and in Lenin’s case it was to tongue tickle a tub. Caress the cool cream. Lick the last of the lime gelato and manhandle the mango passionfruit ripple.

He got the whole political thing from his childhood friend Karl Marx. They did a boyhood paper run in inner city London – working class Cockney Islington – and barracked for Arsenal football team.  Those were the days. Ar-Se-Naaal.

Abducted by a UFO at the age of 12 both boys returned with supernatural powers, glowing green eyes and love of ice-cream. Using the technique of time travel they also formed a hit ’80s pop band called Spandau Ballet – see video below. And so the future of the world was changed forever. It doesn’t take much to change the course of history. Apparently glowing green eyes will do it every time. I Scream You Scream We Scream for Ice Cream





Capitalism – an Art Project about Love

9 11 2011

Capitalism - it's all about LOVE

Capitalism is driven along by exploitation

Business has been getting a bad rap lately. When I say lately I mean roughly since Marx published Das Capital in 1867 (AKA Capital: Critique of Political Economy) and what a stir it caused! Who could disagree that opinions have been divided? Marx’s basic riff is that Capitalism is driven along by exploitation of labour. The surplus value thus derived from the pain and suffering of the mass of people – the downtrodden human worker bees – is then used by business owners to continue to own the productive capital which is protected by the state through force of law and arms. The interests of those heroic individuals who own the capital – and indeed many of them are often heroic – are championed by what may be thought of as the Right Wing of politics and various institutional conservatives and conservative institutions. Undoubtedly capitalists need champions (Marx called them petit bourgeois) for the simple fact that Capitalism is driven along by exploitation. That is indeed how it has worked ever since they built the first steam engine – and probably before.

The infernal glow of burning coal to fire the engines of industry left all but the most obtuse and ignorant in no doubt that we had burrowed through to a new Hell. Capitalism is driven along by exploitation, but capitalists were not happy to just exploit people. No. They wanted to make their point as clear as possible. To ensure that human beings learned the deep lessons about love, freedom and the dignity demanded by the spirit they got together in conspiratorial groups to exploit forests, fish, cows, pigs, chickens, rivers, oceans, needlework, a variety of minerals and many different gaseous substances. They created an artform to reflect the psychopathic nature of their enterprise and called them corporations. These monsters would have limited liability and thus corporations could kill people, torture them, attack living animals, plants of all descriptions and poison rivers and rob and steal with impunity. And being remorseless cancerous psychopaths without souls . . . corporations did just that. People were amazed at the power of the. . .corporation. But the capitalists – bless them – they wanted us to be able to understand as clearly as possible how disgustingly ugly all exploitation and grinding torture is. They wanted us to be able to – first hand – experience the crucifixion. . . in our own lives.

When we realised how abjectly low we had sunk as a species, how degraded and despicable we had become as we turned a blind eye to the suffering of our fellow human beings and to our chickens, cows and pigs who were tortured and slaughtered as we sat laughing at the festival of illusions called the television, we would look at ourselves and question our own existence. They are a cunning lot these capitalists and as wise as serpents. And that is how they brought us to love. Oh but there was one more thing they had to do. Because even after all that self-loathingly despicable abuse of trust and denial of the truth about love  . . .we still didn’t object! Well not much anyway. A few creative and sensitive souls starting freaking out but hey . . .fuck them.

Anyway what the capitalists had to do to teach us about love, was they had to go to the wealthiest country in the world, the USA where people were richer and fatter and glibber and suckier than anywhere on the planet. The place that used more than half the world’s resources in a kind of orgy of air-conditioned, self-satisfied narcissistic confabulation. The place that knew no boundaries for the excessive exploitation of all the living things of the Earth . . .the capitalists went there from their heavenly abodes called into incarnation by the spirit of humanity. They allowed themselves to take on the pain of being born into the perilous chasm of this world, just so they could do something totally awesome.

In their next Art Project About Love they took all the money from the rich people, they stole all their millons and billions and even their trillons. They stole all the money from the middle-class and then they kicked them out of their homes and made them live in tents and trailers and on the street. Then just to make sure that the people would rise up and say NO MORE! They then paraded themselves around in limousines and yachts. They went to fancy restaurants, and drank expensive French champagne and they laughed at the suffering of the people who they called fools. They lived in walled off communities and high up in glittering towers and they laughed and they laughed and they laughed. And finally people said NO MORE!

And that’s when we got the idea of the Social Entrepreneur.  If it was true for the last hundred years plus that capitalism is driven along by exploitation then now we get a chance to change. What if capitalism reinvented itself and it was driven along by love? Dear Reader – if you have gotten this far please give this post a star rating (5 is excellent) and click LIKE if you liked it. Just look below. Thanks

Admittedly business driven by LOVE may seem like a bizarre idea, but how bizarre is the old idea . . .and how painful to so many? And now . . .now . . . YOU get to decide through your choices . . .will we be thinking differently about business in one hundred years or will we still be moaning about how Capitalism is driven along by exploitation?








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